[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/5-coffees-for-the-5-stages-of-grief\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/5-coffees-for-the-5-stages-of-grief\/","headline":"5 Coffees for the 5 Stages of Grief","name":"5 Coffees for the 5 Stages of Grief","description":"In this post, I mourn my dad. I also talk about five coffees that were at my side through all the five stages of grief. Here they are in a list, before I go into more detail below: Denial \u2013 Green Mountain Breakfast Blend Anger \u2013 Screen 18 Colombian Supremo Bargaining \u2013 Magnum Exotics Jamaican...","datePublished":"2022-07-13","dateModified":"2025-03-27","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/author\/will-roby\/#Person","name":"Will Roby","url":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/author\/will-roby\/","identifier":4,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/846b80075b3411bde7ac4a75ce27257663312a3104a1d362a710f8a484603ac9?s=96&d=blank&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/846b80075b3411bde7ac4a75ce27257663312a3104a1d362a710f8a484603ac9?s=96&d=blank&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Reflective Dynamics, Inc.","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/wizard-of-coffee-blog-logo.jpg","url":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/wizard-of-coffee-blog-logo.jpg","width":600,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/coffee-grief.jpg","url":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/coffee-grief.jpg","height":480,"width":960},"url":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/5-coffees-for-the-5-stages-of-grief\/","about":["General"],"wordCount":2335,"keywords":["Arabica","Colombia"],"articleBody":"In this post, I mourn my dad.I also talk about five coffees that were at my side through all the five stages of grief.Here they are in a list, before I go into more detail below:Denial \u2013 Green Mountain Breakfast BlendAnger \u2013 Screen 18 Colombian SupremoBargaining \u2013 Magnum Exotics Jamaican Blue Mountain Light RoastDepression \u2013 Community Coffee Signature BlendAcceptance – Volcanica Coffee Company\u2019s Sumatran Gayo PeaberryWhy would someone write a post on a blog with ads and links and stuff after their dad dies?First, I understand the question. It doesn\u2019t make much sense to me.Second, just know that I had to write this post. I had to put things down in words, and this is the format it had to be in.I can\u2019t really explain why. So, I guess this is how I process difficult things. I experience them and then I write about them.Because I can\u2019t properly grieve my dad, I offer five coffees that just happen to go hand-in-hand with the traditional five stages of grief.So, let\u2019s get our K\u00fcbler-Ross and coffee on.What Happened?My dad died in his sleep on January 26th, 2022.He\u2019d had COVID two weeks prior.My mom says he\u2019d been feeling well and had gotten over COVID except for a little bit of fatigue.He\u2019d felt well enough to spend the day before he died cleaning the house top to bottom with my mom.Then, that night, he had a great FaceTime chat with me, my wife, and our son. We had a wonderful conversation. Everyone was so lively and laughing, and my son was being so cute with my dad and all that.Then, sometime early the next morning, his heart just stopped, and he died right away.My mom said he looked very peaceful in his easy chair.I don\u2019t know how to feel about it, even still. But I can write about it and maybe make some sense of it.In the Denial Stage, I Drank Awful Gas Station CoffeeHere\u2019s how I found out that my dad died:My mom called me at about 8:30 in the morning. I was elbow-deep in a Cigarzine post at the time, so I didn\u2019t even think about how weird it was for her to call me that early.You know in the movies when people say they \u201chave to sit down?\u201d That\u2019s real, it turns out.My wife says that I came out of my office and couldn\u2019t talk. Then I was able to tell her what happened. And then I sat on the chair on the phone with my mom for a minute. Then I paced around the house a while.Within a half hour of that call, we realized we needed to leave and go out to Santa Fe, where mom and dad were living when he died. Going from Houston to Santa Fe isn\u2019t an easy trip, especially with a three-year-old along for the ride.How Bad Coffee Helped Me Through the Numb Denial StageThe running around and planning and packing and prepping got pretty intense.I stopped at an Exxon station before going to get my tires rotated. And I hadn\u2019t had any coffee yet. I grabbed a big cup of their worst swill and poured as much sugar and creamer as I could stand in to mask the taste.But I wasn\u2019t interested in coffee; I was interested in staying awake and having a burst of energy to get my chores done.I didn\u2019t have a traditional \u201cdenial\u201d process, since my mom and brother told me the story of his death and it seemed 100% certain that he was gone.No, for me, denial just meant numbness.At first, I didn\u2019t so much \u201ccare\u201d about what happened. I was going through the motions, preparing for our trip.Bad Coffee Isn\u2019t Always the Beans\u2019 FaultDrinking bad coffee during the denial stage feels like a rite of passage.I asked the clerk and she said they use Green Mountain Breakfast Blend. It\u2019s a light roast. It\u2019s perfectly good coffee when it\u2019s made hot and fresh in a clean pot.I\u2019ve had Green Mountain as a coffee pod plenty of times. It\u2019s pretty common to see it in hotels and other hospitality-type settings. It\u2019s bright with very little acid and it goes down smooth.Not all gas station coffee is bad. My local Exxon station is just really bad about cleaning and maintaining their drip pots, and it shows in the brew. It was very bitter and obviously not fresh.Numbness and bad coffee \u2013 name a more legendary duo.Anger Goes Well With Iced Coffee (Apparently)Looking back, I feel like I moved into the anger stage really quickly.I had to drive across Texas and pretty deep into New Mexico the day after I found out he died. And I was too upset to drive, so my wife handled that. I pretty much stared out the window the whole trip, trying not to cry in front of my wife and kid.The denial passed sometime in the night after he died, and it was replaced by a hot and burning thing that I didn\u2019t want anybody to see.In Henry VIII, Shakespeare\u2019s Henry reminds us to \u201cheat not a furnace for your foe so hot \/ that it do singe yourself.\u201dThat\u2019s all well and good for the Duke of Norfolk, but he\u2019s a wealthy man at the top of his social order. He\u2019s got underlings. I don\u2019t think our emotions are in the same caliber.Dude was Queen Elizabeth\u2019s great-grandfather for crying out loud. I\u2019m just a guy trying not to cry in a car in the middle of West Texas.Those travel days went by a little easier with a proper iced coffee. Maybe to cool the burning? I don\u2019t know. I made iced coffee in the morning using my favorite cold coffee method – dripping the brew straight over ice.As for what bean to use – I wanted a coffee with a dominant base note that wouldn\u2019t get washed out by the ice.I used a dark roast Colombian Supremo by Screen 18.I can\u2019t say it cured my anger. I\u2019m still a little bit stuck in this stage. But it satisfied my craving. And the flavor stayed true through to the end of the cup.My Mom and I Got Through the Bargaining Stage with a Super-Premium CoffeeI\u2019m told the bargaining stage is an attempt to regain control. The idea is that the death reminded us deep down that we aren\u2019t really in control of what happens around us.Apparently, this makes most of us deeply uneasy.So, we bargain (with ourselves, really) in an attempt to get back some of that control.For me and my mom, some of that bargaining worked itself out over coffee. Specifically, a light roast Jamaican Blue Mountain that mom had (properly stored) in her pantry.I love a good Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee.It\u2019s about as nutty and herbal as a coffee gets without tasting like afternoon tea.This is a bold coffee (that\u2019s really an understatement) with a sweet aroma that lingers on the finish.It\u2019s one of my favorite fancy coffees to savor and I got to enjoy it with my mom.Here\u2019s how it happened:Finding Gourmet Coffee Where You Least Expect ItEverything at my parent\u2019s house was in total upheaval when I got there.You know \u2013 in his absence, we learned just how much my dad was helping mom around the house. Every surface was covered in clutter. The dog needed food and water. Nobody could find anything.In short, it was a disaster.My first reaction in a domestic disaster is to press pause. That way you can sit and think and organize your response.Tossing some trash in the pantry garbage can, I noticed a can with an airtight seal. Could it be coffee?My mom confirmed and said it was Jamaican Blue and that she and dad were saving it for their anniversary.Jamaican Blue & Bargaining, TooWithout even asking, I cracked it open. Light roast. Immediate sweet aroma with notes of tropical flowers and toasted nuts. My dad stored it perfectly.Fresh-ground Jamaican Blue is the best companion for conversation. It gave my mom and I the space to sit and think and plan.My mom even busted out the French Press for the occasion. That\u2019s probably the best way to make Jamaican Blue in order to protect the delicate floral and herbal notes.Oh, and we (unbeknownst to ourselves) started the bargaining process together, too.My mom started listing all the ways in which she was fully prepared for this to happen. She had this account and that pension and this other income source, and everything was going to be okay for her.I started reassuring mom about all the ways I could help her. Even though I live like 1,000 miles away. I was trying to bargain with the universe to convince myself that everything was going to be okay.For Me, Depression Tastes like Community CoffeeI grew up in a small town in southeast Texas.All through my childhood, Community Coffee was kind of the local standard. Every deli and barbecue joint and bar in town served up the same Community blend.Every funeral, every hurricane, every bad thing that happened came with that trademark Community Coffee aroma. A little touch of vanilla along with the strong dark cocoa and burnt caramel base. I\u2019ve smelled it during every dark time since before I can remember.Imagine my surprise when I joined a grief support group here in Houston and detected the Community Coffee aroma before I even opened the door.It turns out that the church where the group meets orders Community Coffee in bulk. The church lends the group a bag or two of Community Coffee every week.So, that\u2019s what they drink.How did I end up in a grief support group?Well, it\u2019s simple. I got depressed.Once I got home from dad\u2019s funeral and all of the cleanup afterward, I realized I was in a sort of rubbery vague numb depression. I didn\u2019t really want to eat. I didn\u2019t really want to wake up. It was hard to do even the most basic chores.I\u2019m not going to say that the support group saved my life. The difference in me wasn\u2019t that dramatic.Listening to other people talk about how they got through the worst of it was very healing.I didn\u2019t even share much of my own story. I just soaked up the vibes from being around other people who understood what I was going through.These Days, Sumatran Coffee Tastes Like AcceptanceI\u2019ve written before about my love for Sumatran coffee.It\u2019s remarkably smooth. I\u2019ve called it \u201cno-acid coffee\u201d before, and I think I\u2019m justified.Their wet-hulling process produces some unique (and amazing) aromas and flavors.It stands up to just about any method of making coffee at home. French Press? Yes \u2013 that will bring out the surprising earthy and mushroom notes. Iced coffee? Yes \u2013 paired with dairy, these unique beans have a natural honey sweetness that stands up to ice.What does this have to do with acceptance?My Morning Coffee StrugglesI have a confession to make \u2013 I\u2019m not great at drinking coffee in the morning.My stomach just can\u2019t tolerate much before about 11 AM.Serve me an espresso in the afternoon? I\u2019m on board.But try to give me coffee first thing in the morning, and I\u2019m likely to turn you down.I tried everything. I tried making my own cold brew concentrate. It was convenient, but it burned up my stomach something fierce.I tried skipping coffee, but that left me feeling slow and kind of numb.And then I found Sumatran coffee.Why Sumatran Gayo Peaberry?I\u2019m a sucker for rare things, and it\u2019s not often you can get your hands on a true Sumatran Gayo. The coffee is produced in a limited amount, so it\u2019s a bit expensive. But the smooth\/rich contrast with this coffee is to die for.It also has a strong melted sugar sweetness on the finish that just feels right in the morning.Volcanica Coffee Company\u2019s Sumatran Gayo Peaberry has become my go-to morning coffee.It does down smooth enough that I can drink it pretty much first thing in the morning.That\u2019s a kind of acceptance, right? Rather than do battle with high-acid coffees that I don\u2019t like, I\u2019ve found a smooth drinking coffee that I can tolerate.It\u2019s the kind of compromise that (oddly) I think my dad would like to see me making.I\u2019m told that acceptance is a one-two punch of acknowledging the loss and adjusting your life to it.That means it\u2019s a long process, and it\u2019s definitely something I\u2019m still working on.ConclusionCoffee was with me through every part of my grief.I can\u2019t say that about anyone or anything else.Mornings before his funeral, stuck in a freak snow storm in Santa Fe, I\u2019d load up on coffee before heading out to shovel and ice the driveway, and the old widow\u2019s driveway next door, too.The funeral itself was practically floating on an ocean of coffee.I used coffee throughout the experience to help me get through it.Maybe it isn\u2019t so weird to make a blog post about my dad\u2019s death through the lens of coffee.I hope it\u2019s helped somebody out there going through the same thing."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"5 Coffees for the 5 Stages of Grief","item":"https:\/\/www.wizardofcoffee.com\/5-coffees-for-the-5-stages-of-grief\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]